Dear Young Liz, First off, I’m excited to do this because I miss you. You were a fun little one. The actual writing may strike you as a tad limited but that’s your fault entirely because you didn’t pay much attention to things like homework or teachers. So I’ll make this a random list of some Do’s and Don’ts. I know you won’t listen to me and that’s part of your charm and all but maybe let it wash over your subconscious, it might do you some good. 1. Condoms. I mean, why not? 2. Don’t over tweeze the brows. 3. Don’t objectify your body. There’s a person in there who’s not defined by it. She needs your focus. 4. Go to school! It might be boring but it’s better than night school and summer school. 5. Running away is scary for your good, sweet Dad who wakes up to find you’re not in your room. It really upsets him. 6. Smoking is lame. Figure out how to have a conversation without one. 7. Don’t lie and say your grandma is sick to skip school. Even if that works for a month, it’s despicable! 8. You don’t need boys to like you. YOU need to like you. Build and develop your character. It matters. Who you are matters. Personal integrity matters. 9. Read Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. It may help you to develop said character. 10. Stop worrying whether you’re pretty or thin enough. You are. Just wait till you’re my age — you’ll regret not wearing hot pants every day. 11. Don’t wear hot pants every day. You don’t need people to stare at your ass in order to feel loved in this world. That also goes for tube tops. 12. Being an actress is harder and more frustrating than you think. So go ahead and do it, but just know. It’s hard. You never know where you’re gonna be or for how long. Or what your next job is. Or if there will be a next job. So figure out some hobbies and be patient. 13. Start doing yoga now. 14. Perhaps a deep conditioning treatment and a trim once in a while. Don’t sacrifice health for length. 15. You can’t subsist on bagels, Taco Bell, and candy. Believe it or not, one day you will get GENUINELY excited about kabocha squash and a perfectly sauteed brussel sprout. 16. Tofu can also be delicious. Look it up. 17. You aren’t perfect. But then again nobody else is either. Mourn it now and move on. 18. Just know: your mother is a badass. 19. Be nicer to your sisters. They’ll end up being your favorite people in the world. If Mary steals an item of clothing, just let it go rather than jumping on the hood of her moving car. And stop torturing little Emily. She’s too cute and sweet to deserve that. 20. If you’re going to be drunk at someone’s house party, then don’t get in their sauna. It dehydrates you, makes you more drunk and is just in general a BAD MOVE. 21. It’s not the end-all-be-all that you get backstage at a concert. Chris Cornell does not want you on his tour bus, regardless of how his roadies feel about it. 22. Please floss. Otherwise a day will come when a dentist tells you there are 11 cavities in your mouth. 23. Don’t waste too much time on dudes if you can help it. I know you can’t though so don’t worry about it. Have fun. 24. Nice guys aren’t weak. In actuality, they are just nice, good people. They were probably raised well and they’re probably just as nice to their little sister. So don’t stomp on them! 25. You don’t need to be sad and dramatic and a partier in order to be artist. If anything it diffuses your light and makes you duller (I think I stole that from somewhere.). Finally, I just want to say this: You can’t yet conceive of how beautiful life is and how lucky you are to be alive. If you’re gonna chase something, chase that. It will break your heart — in all the best ways. Love, Big Liz P.S. Don’t steal your Dad’s girlfriend’s car and crash it. I PROMISE you you’ll get busted. Oct 11 Letter To A Young Liz UNCENSORED!